And I flippin' mean it!
Did you know that there are more than a boat-load of people on this planet?
Really and truly there are, and every day some die...and every day more are born...
And every day a crap-ton of them suffer from this silly, little thing we call depression.
BITE ME, Ash--My depression isn't flippin' silly! It's PARALYZING! It's debilitating! CLEARLY you have no clue--you are just one of the "strong ones"...one of the "thrive-ers"! I am doing the best I can! I'm surviving!
Oh Peanut, allow me to be a little sarcastic for a moment--you see, this is strategic...right now you aren't depressed. You are pissed. That's a state of emotion that is a whole lot more empowered than your "oh, poor me, I'm depressed state," isn't it?
Your damn right it is--and I'd be willing to bet you that you've been swinging back and forth in this pattern of depression and pissed off anger for years....so long, in fact, that you've become a Master at this pattern and you don't even realize you do it.
Now, pause for a moment, ok? Remember, this is me--that crazy, naked woman who loves to love on people...who LOVES YOU and wants you to see succeed and be truly happy in life--ok? So, put your weapons away and hear me out. Tell you what, you can even tell me to eff off later, and I will respect your choice. Promise.
OK--so back to the whole boat-load of people on the planet. Did you know of the BILLIONS of UNIQUE people on the planet, we all have things in common?
Well, duh, Ash--you really are awesome at stating the obvious, aren't you?
Yerp! I sure am, but I don't mean that we are all human, have DNA, are mammals, etc.
I mean we all have specific needs that drive us--and for each and everyone of us, those needs are the same. Sure how we go about meeting those needs are different (there are very specific patterns), but they are inherently the same regardless of race, religion, creed, gender, nationality, sexual orientation, blah, blah, blah. In fact there are 6 of them--but I'm only going to talk about 4.
7,166,730,400+ (according to www.worldometers.com/info as of 1:37 PM CST 7/21/2013)
7,166,730,400 people....4 needs.
Guess what!? You find a way to meet 3 of these needs through one action and you will become addicted to that action/activity/emotional state.
ASH! You are implying that that I am addicted to my depression!? What a pretentious, ego-centric swine you've become!
:-) Yes, friend...I felt the same way, but again, hear me out, ok? And if you don't believe me, look up Human Needs Psychology with Tony Robbins. This is his creation--I'm simply paraphrasing.
The needs:
#1 Significance/Uniqueness
#2 Connection/Love
#3 Certainty
#4 Uncertainty/Variety
#5 Growth
#6 Contribution
The final two are necessary to experiencing true fulfillment in life, but we aren't focusing on that. We are focusing on those first 4.
#1 Significance...some people meet this through financial success. Some people meet this through creating something. Some people met this through having a family. Some people meet this through their spiritual beliefs or religion. Some people meet this through violence--I hold a gun to some strangers head, all the sudden I've become the most significant thing in that person's life, huh? Some people meet this by having a really huge problem...sometimes one that shuts them down to the point they can't stop crying, can't get out of bed, can't shower, can't function...sometimes can't fathom living anymore. Sound familiar?
Additionally, when someone challenges our depression, we become hostile, defensive, angry, pissed off--defending our right to be depressed...thus we are significant because we are strong, empowered, threatening.
In fact, I've heard many get the "YOU GO GIRL!" encouragement from others in this angry state! "Girl power! It's our right to feel!"....and thus we also feel connected/bonded together in this state.
#2 Connection/Love....most people settle for connection because true love means being utterly vulnerable and being hurt at our deepest levels, but lets focus on all the ways people meet this need for connection. Friends. Family/having children. Marriage--shoot this is a contractually obligated connection. Self love--for many women who experience depression, the depression allows them to let their feminine side out in a way that is socially acceptable in this day and age. Our feminine side--which we all have--is our emotional side. Depression allows us to feel again...feel freely...and cry..and those that love us/care for us come running to help with our really big problem...
Uh-oh...remember, if we find a way to meet 3 of these human needs (whether positive, neutral or negative), we become addicted to that method of meeting those needs. Much of the time, this is subconscious. We've just seen how depression meets 2 needs--connection with others who come to help us with our really big problem..ergo we feel significant.
#3 Certainty--here is where we know what to expect. Control "freaks"--these people value this need more than anything else. When we've created this cycle (or habit) of depression, we become certain (again whether consciously or unconsciously) that we can get ourselves into this state...and swing over into the state of angry/pissed off defensiveness when someone tried to challenge or "fix" our depression.
....surprise! We just met 3 of the basic/fundamental human needs with this cycle of depression and anger....what did we say about meeting 3 or more needs with one behavior/pattern/method? We become addicted...
#4 Uncertainty/Variety--different "triggers" spark that "depression swing...as well as a variety of triggers spark that swing into "angry momma bear" protecting our depressed, little cub.
Are you seeing this?
Are you having a realization?
This is a pattern--not a chemical imbalance.
You can choose to go to a place of hope, peace and joy instead of anger or depression...pay attention to the triad of physiology/posture, focus and language that you have to get you into a state of...
Depression.
Anger.
Peace.
Hope-fullness.
Joy.
How could you meet your needs of significance, connection/love, certainty and variety in healthier, more productive ways?
My friend, you have the power within you to change these habits and patterns...thus changing your emotional state.
I am here to help.
In the mean time, know this:
You are loved.
You are valued.
You are important.
You are special.
Your life means something.
For now, I sign off with love.
Battle ON! Battle BARE!
<3 -Ash
Wow thanks for sharing a great view point and eye opener. Hmmmm very thought provoking indeed. <3 you back ((((Ash))))
ReplyDeleteGreat post Ashley, much truth in this. I have always believed that sex is the greatest anti-depressive there is. At least it can serve a high point to work from.
ReplyDeleteThank you. That was well written.
ReplyDeleteIn the work that I do as a behaviorist, there is always a three pronged approach to working with people who have some issues. There is, of course, getting the individual to get the appropriate medication and there is the clinical support. These two things are incredibly important.
But more important is the social support. A network of friends and family who are important to the person.
Specifically then, we concentrate on demonstrating the self-worth of the individual. Self-significance, significance to other people, and significance to the community all play a role. So too does, facilitating a self-control over their own life, which means regaining emotional control as well as control over the basic everyday acts that have been displaced. This becomes a self-created certainty over the present and the near future.
Clearly we are on the same page.